Protecting children from the perils of the Smartphone
Protecting children
There is no doubt that that society has a responsibility to protect children and young people from the threats and dangers that they face growing up - whether that be from fast-moving traffic on our roads, stranger-danger or the perils of cyberspace.
Governments, both national and local can do a certain amount, say by imposing speed limits and installing guard-rails that separate pedestrians from traffic, but the lion share of responsibility falls on parents.
It is parents who teach their children how to cross the road, holding their hands as they first make their way to the other side; moving on to supervising from a distance as their loved one presses the button at a pelican crossing. Over time children grow in experience of navigating the road system, that eventually brings them to independence that will allow them to go out on their own.
Likewise, children grow up learning from their family and friends how to encounter strangers safely, and what are, and what are not appropriate interactions in different circumstances.
Over time children are able to progress from moving around the neighbourhood, to get themselves to school perhaps, to visiting the local town, and eventually they are ready to travel more widely.
Sadly, these principles do not apply when it comes to cyberspace.
Over the past decade we have witnessed a race to the bottom of parents pandering to children who are adept at playing the adults off against each other. The result is that owning a smartphone has become seen as a rite of passage most children having one as they start senior school.
The entry age is now moving ever younger into primary school, as Gen Alpha, who have grown up with the iPad as a their surrogate babysitter, move to more portable devices.
Parenting the smartphone
It is understandable that many parents feel out of their depth parenting the smartphone. They did not themselves experience the world which their children inhabit and don’t have role models from their own upbringing. Furthermore, they face an ever-changing world of apps and new technologies.
Many, either from a lack of technical know-how or from an unwillingness to have difficult conversations, have stepped back from taking an active part in their child’s journey to digital independence.
A survey of Year 7 students at Kellett showed that 85% of them owned smartphone at the start of the year, which was no surprise. The other data was much more concerning:
85% owned a smartphone.
64% had parental controls activated.
75% used them in bedrooms.
43% keep them in rooms overnight.
24% have online friends they have never met.
That a third of Year 7 had unfiltered and unrestricted access to the internet and to social media was a huge concern. This is the digital equivalent of asking an 11-year to cross a major motorway; or abandoning them in the centre of Manchester and asking them to find their way home safely. No parent would do it.
The reality is that many parents are not willing or able to restrict the mobile phone use of their children. Children and young teens talk as if access to social media to become a human right.
As a society we need to take stock and recalibrate.
Three ways that schools can support parents in parenting the smartphone
Whilst the responsibility for protecting children’s use of smartphones undoubtedly falls to parents, schools are uniquely placed within their communities to support parents in this endeavour.
Schools have a collective wisdom and experience of working with children and teenagers and have expertise of how teenagers use smartphones available to few parents.
Schools can share their experience of the phone-related issues which they have faced in school, such as (cyber-) bullying, (cyber-) porn, sexting and abusive texting.
Schools can share their technical expertise with parents. It is very difficult for parents to keep up with the fast-changing world of social media apps, many of which are quite different from those used in adult society (how many adults use snapchat?)
Schools can connect parents with fellow parents who face similar challenges and by providing a forum to discuss how to navigate the very different landscape of bringing up children, teens and young adults in the digital age
At Kellett, the Prep Heads, the IT tech team and I ran an annual forum for Year 5 parents to talk through the issues relating to smartphones; following up at the start of Year 8 to discuss issues facing teenagers.
The school digital leads followed up by offering drop-in clinics for parents so that they can learn how to set up parental controls on their children’s phones. This investment in time paid dividends in dealing with fewer phone-related pastoral issues.
The sessions were well received by parents who not only valued the insights that we could provide as a school, but also valued the opportunity to meet and discuss the topic with other parents in the year group.
Sadly, in my experience, it was the parents who did not give up their time to attend these forums that were the ones who really needed to be there.
Five Tips on parenting the Smartphone
Here’s some tips for parents that come out of those sessions
Install Parental Controls on the child’s smartphone. Most smartphones have built-in controls that can be activated. For example, Apple Screen Time allows parents to set up restrictions on their child's device with a passcode; or, alternatively, can be linked to the parents’ phones so they can manage the device themselves. There are also a number of parental control apps that can be installed on the child’s device that restrict access social media and internet sites. Parents should be aware that technology is not a substitute for parenting.
Be part of the child’s journey to digital independence. Travel alongside them as they learn to navigate their way around social media and the internet. This means initially not offering children privacy on their phones and taking time to ask questions about who they are interacting with on social media. Over time, once the teen has developed the necessary skills and trust, parents can begin to step back.
Set (and enforce) boundaries. Each parent will need to set their own boundaries for their child’s smartphone use in terms of screentime, social media access and no-phone family time – and then make sure that these boundaries are honoured.
Restrict phone use at night. Set a shutoff time an hour before bedtime and don’t allow children access to their phones at night. There is significant research of the negative impact of phones on sleep.
Model good practice. Children learn so much from the adults around them. Parents should be aware of the influence that their smartphone use has on their children.